spam the wonder food
I’m planning to save up all my spam for a week or so and then write a melodious and lyrical post using only phrases from it. I’ve recently deleted it all otherwise I could begin on this chef d’œuvre right now, but my gmail is currently holding some promising possibilities from the intriguingly named Catalina Feliciano, Replica Watches, Replica Pens, Polly Sumner, Maynard Miner, and Ahmad K. Poole. Oh and then there’s one where the name is all in Korean characters but when you float the cursor over it changes to “Barry Hang.” The message is all in Korean too, except for a list of mixed Asian-Western names such as Lucy Tsing or Sophia Peng, so I can only wonder what it is that Barry wishes to cure me of, whether penile disfunction or hopeless datelessness. I bet all those names are a list of beautiful girls in my ZIP code who want to meet me. Too bad I’m not really interested in meeting girls. My loss I guess.
May 6th, 2008 at 7:45 am
Yeah, that spam is not as safe as the woman in Nigeria that needs me to send her $10,000.00 so she can escape prison. She is going to send me $500,000.00 when she gets out! That sounds like a great investment.
May 6th, 2008 at 9:02 am
Well I don’t know why you wouldn’t take her up immediately on that. It sounds like a fantastic rate of return.
Hey why is it that the majority of these desperate persons–who have no friends and thus have to reach out to strangers via oddly worded emails–come from Nigeria? Why don’t other countries have as many deposed finance ministers, widows who discovered their dead husband’s long-lost relative just happens to be you, and bank clerks with access to abandoned funds? How did they all end up in Nigeria? Never understood that.
May 6th, 2008 at 9:38 am
The Nigerian Letter (419 fraud or Nigerian money offer) scam originated in the early 1980s as the oil-based economy of Nigeria declined. Several unemployed university students first used this scam as a means of manipulating business visitors interested in shady deals in the Nigerian oil sector before targeting businessmen in the west, and later the wider population.
May 6th, 2008 at 1:33 pm
I remember getting these in the office fax, except it was so long ago that that machine (ONE for the entire 200-person building, to be used for dire emergencies only) was called “the telephone facsimile machine.” No abbreviation such as “fax” that I recall. We had one computer for the whole office too. Ah the days of IBM Selectric typewriters! I thought it was the height of technology when I got a MAG card reader.
I probably shouldn’t say any of this because it points out how old I am.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:01 am
spam sample from today:
Do not let them mock at small weener!
we’re still waiting for the promised ‘melodious and lyrical post’
well - some of us are….
the rest of us probably have a life….
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:24 am
OH, I thought nobody remembered about this. I almost didn’t. I’m up to 898 servings of spam though so I really should get something good out of it. I’ll try to whip something up later on. Here’s a little taste though, from five separate unrelated emails:
“Want to be called Macho? Claim your Free 4-12 ViagraPills here with us. This allows the normal everyday person to be able to look and feel classy. You will be the envy of the people at the office. Start now, and you’ll be awarded with admiration very soon!”
It’s brilliant! Nearly Pulitzer material and all I did was cut-and-paste.