I was down in Charleston last week and on Sunday I attended a fund-raising benefit for Charleston Stage, “Stephen Colbert’s Holiday Apparition.”
Stephen had wanted some months back to do some tapings at the Sottile Theater for his show but needed them to move already-scheduled dates for James and the Giant Peach in order for him to tape, so to entice them to agree he offered to do a benefit performance for them. According to Julian Wiles, the founder of Charleston Stage, it took him about 2 seconds to agree to this and thus was this evening born.
I drove over to the theater–having to drive past and see the people waiting outside–and my first thought was, “Oh my god I am horribly, horribly overdressed. And not that I was all that dressy: I had on a black velvet tank top, black tuxedo pants, black patent leather platform sandals, sparkly jewelry, and a beautiful wrap a friend gave me from his trip to India, which was made dressy by its gilt and silver weave. And there were people outside with jeans and sweatshirts on. I just about drove back to change but I thought I’d end up being late and so just said, Oh well, I guess I’m gonna be an oddball. Funnily enough, once I sat down, I heard a woman behind me, who was wearing a gorgeous blue-green brocade suit, say to someone, “Oh my god I’m so overdressed!” What’s funny about it is that, as I discovered later, that woman turned out to be the hostess of the VIP-ticket afterparty, Mrs. Buzzy (Rebecca) Newton. So I figure, if I’m dressed anywhere vaguely close to what the hostess is, then I’m not overdressed! Actually once I got inside the theater I could see that there were a lot of people in my area of the seats more dressed up; I think because we were the ones going to the party afterwards.
The event started with Julian Wiles, the founder of Charleston Stage, explaining how the benefit came to be and he said that it had raised $65,000 for the theater, which is money that is much needed for current renovations. For his introduction to Stephen, he speculated how things might have been different if he had cast Stephen in the part he auditioned for in Babes in Toyland in 1981. (Stephen apparently was not good enough to get anything better than the chorus. Seems pretty surprising to hear that now!) However, Julian did cast a certain Miss Evelyn McGee in several productions, which led to her own career as an actor, and additionally she had been instrumental in planning the night’s event … and oh right, she was the Charleston hometown girl who was married to Stephen. After asking her to stand up and be recognized, he said to please welcome, without further ado, “Mr. Evie McGee.” **Huge laugh from the audience**
Stephen came out and soaked in the love as everyone applauded and hooted for him. He really does a good job of being his own biggest fan. It would be pretty obnoxious on most people but it works so well with him. He bowed several times, showed off his profile, and made no pretense of being humble or “aw shucks” about all these people standing up for him. How he gets away with this I cannot understand. 
He thanked everyone for coming and said he would be reading from his book, I Am America (And So Can You). 
He read from several chapters. (But not, he said, from the “Religion” one because there are certain things you’re not supposed to talk about “down there.” I assume he meant in the South.) So he read the whole first chapter (pointing out first how it’s all about him, that he’s on the dust jacket 17 times, plus on the book cover itself, plus on the first page–”Oh look, it’s me again”), followed by selections from the chapters on pets, the family, immigrants, the class war, and the “war on Christmas,” which was especially fitting for this time of year. He also said he was lucky enough to have had God write an essay in one of the “Stephen Speaks For Me” segments, and also read the essay by the “Soul Mate,” which was funny in and of itself, but also because it’s pretty obvious that Stephen already met his. 
(The essay details how you better pay attention because you keep running into your soul mate and just aren’t noticing him/her. Stephen had grown up a few streets away from his wife but they never really knew each other until after he graduated from college and had come back to talk to his mom about his current girlfriend’s edict to “fish or cut bait”; in other words, “If you don’t ask me to marry you, it’s over.” It was during this visit that he met local girl Evelyn McGee in the lobby of the Dock Street Theater, one of Charleston Stage’s venues, and it was the storybook case of love at first sight, last sight, and on all the days in between.)
(Note on photos: they’re not the best ever; I was taking them without flash and trying to make it unobtrusive, so the quality is not as good as it might have been. Click to go to the full-sized versions in the album.)
After reading from the book, there was an interview done by Wiles. I had heard a lot of what was said before but it seemed to be new to many people. One interesting thing was his recollection of when he was in Italy in about 1983 or so and was asked to be an extra in Ken Russell’s stage production of Madama Butterfly. It was a small part but he would be the very first person to appear on stage, by himself, and so even without any dialogue it’s kind of a coup for a young fairly inexperienced actor. 
He went to the wardrobe fitting and was given a pair of boxer shorts to wear, which he thought, “Well, okay, I guess I can do that.” Then when they had the first rehearsal, he went out there wearing the shorts and immediately heard Ken Russell yelling “Stop stop stop!” and the head of the Spoleto Festival asking, “Now Stephen, who told you you could wear boxer shorts??” Because Russell’s idea was for him to appear totally nude. THAT’s why it was such an important part! He said he wrote his mom a letter about it: “Dear Mom, am having a wonderful time, have met a lot of nice people, and oh yeah I’m doing a nude scene. Love, Stephen.” Every mother’s dream letter.
Wiles asked other questions, including “What was it like to be kissed by Jane Fonda?” Stephen laughed and said it was “nice” and that she’s very fit. He said he admired that she out-charactered him on his own show, 
and that he felt like that famous Johnny Carson segment when a squirrel monkey got on Johnny’s head and he couldn’t move for fear the monkey would claw him. He said he just tried not to move; that Jane was the squirrel monkey. But he was saying it with a laugh. I personally think they had a lot of fun with that episode and he could have certainly stopped the tape if he really didn’t like what was happening. He said his wife thought it was funny that he was so obviously uncomfortable and “forgave” him after seeing his distress. (I’m sure she didn’t really care, considering they’re all three actors and she must have more sense than to get mad at her husband for doing his job.)
He talked about other things such as how he decided to go into comedy instead of pursuing his original track of serious acting (because it’s a lot more fun); how he ended up in New York; and how it’s ironic he is a political comedian now when, back at Second City, he had made a pact with his long-time friends Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello to never do anything political or even topical. He talked a little about being the youngest in a family of 11 children and said that he overheard his mother, when he was a kid, admonishing his older siblings when she didn’t realize he could hear, “Now you listen to his stories!” 
Two comments I found very interesting: 1) With respect to all the rumors flying around about why he’s going back on the air on January 7 (when the Writers Guild is still on strike): “We’re going back on the air to prevent the other 70 people on staff from losing their jobs.” He said he doesn’t know what he’s going to do on the shows except for having a general idea in his head, because any kind 
of comprehensive note-taking is considered “writing” and thus not allowed; and 2) When asked about The Daily Show pre-Jon (Jon Stewart having taken over as host in 1999) and how the two hosts compare (seeing as how he was on the show for both “versions,”) he paused for a second and then said, “Craig [Kilborn, the host before Jon] was really good at reading the TelePrompTer.” Well that’s quite the loaded comment. 
He answered questions from the audience including one from someone who said they had been in grammar school together. The woman had brought their yearbook and although Stephen couldn’t find her picture in there, he saw his own and said, admiringly, something like Ooh look at that … I am beautiful. The performance concluded with him reading a poem, “King John’s Christmas,” by A. A. Milne. I don’t remember if he said it’s a poem he chose or if he was just asked to read it, but it’s curiously bittersweet, being that it’s a poem about a king who has no friends, whom nobody likes, and who wishes with great longing that he could receive for Christmas a toy from his childhood, a “big, red, india-rubber ball.” It’s quite like the theme of Citizen Kane and his wish to return to the last true happiness he knew, sliding down the hill on Rosebud. 
It’s a sad poem of missed opportunity, even though it ends on a happy note. Anyway, Stephen read it–having to start again at one point–and got to the end, said “Merry Christmas to you all,” and left the stage, to thunderous applause and another standing ovation.
Then it was off to the afterparty, held at the home of Rebecca and Buzzy Newton. I did not take any pictures of the interior, being that it’s someone’s private home, 
but it’s as gorgeous as you’d imagine from seeing just the outside. It was inside, while looking at the pictures on the piano of a man and the stunning blonde at his side that I realized that the woman in the brocade suit who feared being overdressed was Mrs. Newton herself. I took a minute to say hello to her and thanked her for hosting the event and told her I loved her outfit and had been glad to see someone else dressed up. She said that she had told Buzzy, upon walking in, that she was going to go home and change and he said, ‘Oh no you’re not, you’re fine!’” And she certainly was.
One funny thing that also happened was that I had noticed a motif of pigs throughout the house: crystal pigs, silver pigs, large bronze pigs, and a very large painting of Mr. Newton holding a pig. Not your average portrait theme, right? While standing near it, I asked him, “I happen to collect pigs myself; why is it that you like them so much?” And he said, without blinking an eye of surprise that I wouldn’t already know, “Piggly Wiggly.” As in the grocery chain. THEN I realized who he was. I laughed and said, “I’m sorry, we don’t having Piggly Wiggly where I’m from! I didn’t realize it was ‘you!’” He smiled and said it was okay, it’s not like everyone should know. Rather embarrassing but funny at the same 
time. Stephen went around and said hello to people and posed for pictures and I said I had met him over the summer but he probably didn’t remember, to which he rather insisted that he did, but I’m not sure if I believe him. He meets a lot of people. Of course I couldn’t think of anything especially witty or scintillating by way of conversation, and what inanities I did say have pretty much thankfully flown out of my head, but I do remember telling him that Amy has five brothers and sisters, not four (as he had said during the interview). He probably thought I was weird for knowing that random fact. Le sigh. Naturally after I left I thought of all kinds of sparkling remarks I could have come up with. Anyway I got a nice picture with him. He sure is photogenic. My eyes were glowing red (I’ve cut myself out of the one posted here) and I’m white as a sheet. Thank god for Photoshop.
A few of Stephen’s brothers were there, and of course Evelyn, and his mother, who was very sweet and said all her children are comedians but it took eleven to get one who does it professionally. She also said they all spoil her completely and she loves it. She’s clearly very proud of them. She reminded me of my own mother. They’re about the same age and my brothers and sisters and I all fuss over mom far more than I ever thought I’d enjoy doing when I was a bratty teenager. Evie was absolutely gorgeous: she’s much prettier in person (if that’s possible) than in pictures. She’s got a gamine look to her, like Audrey Hepburn. The food was delicious, the house was spectacular, and it was a wonderful way to support Charleston Stage. I had a lot of fun and it was a nice way to spend the days before Christmas.
All photographs © Meow House Media 2007. All Rights Reserved.
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